in the mirror

I've never been one to look at my reflection in the mirror and gasp in horror. I'm fine with my appearance for the most part. I mean, I wouldn't mind a little lift, tuck or shot of botox just for fun, but I'm certainly comfortable with who I am physically (well aside from my normal pregnancy freakouts about the amount of LBS I've put on)...Today, however, as I glanced at myself while washing my hands I had the strangest feeling. Not one of "who are you?", or "You need some fixin up.", but one of "DANG, you are a MOM!". I know, it's a little bit late for that revelation, and maybe it's my hormones talking as I'm gearing up to birth my fourth child. I just can't shake the thought that I. AM. A. MOM.

                                                                     ...what the heck?

Also, lately when my children are calling for me or talking to me or expecting motherly things out of me...I have been so caught off guard. Like maybe there is someone standing behind me they are talking to, or they have mistaken me for another woman, or I am in a wicked time zone and everyone around me has everything all wrong and that in fact I'm not a mom

 ...just a girl who needs a mothers love too.

Maybe the true feelings here are those of a young girl, who just went along with life, grew into a woman and somehow is trying her best to fill the shoes of a mom she didn't ever expect to be. I feel like motherhood, for me at least, is just something that happened...and keeps happening. As I look into these little faces who call me mom I can't help but think of how undeserving I feel to have them bless my life. Grateful for their presence for sure and for the lessons they teach me everyday. Somewhat scared that I see "little Sunnys" in them, and somewhat relieved, as I look at my reflection through their eyes and not through my own, I understand that yes, yes you do deserve them and

...YOU ARE A MOM!