climbing mt. everest for a glass of chocolate milk

i do not profess to be the best house cleaner you ever met on the internet. i mostly run my household by the saying "clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy"...merry maids meets "cheaper by the dozen". totally me.

did i just give the impression that i'm a slob? because i'm totally not a slob...i just have 7 people living in one house and like every mother knows, there is a revolving "to do" list that just carries over from day to day to day to day. at my house, things like the baseboards and tile grout and the oven never quite make it to the top of the list.

and i know they don't make it to the top of your list, either, no matter how many of you post on facebook things like "organized the garage, defrosted the freezer, ironed 27 white shirts, and chopped down a cherry tree! now for some homemade pot pie with fresh garden vegetables for lunch!" i don't believe it for a minute...but i do start to feel bad about my june cleaverness.

so anyways, i have 2 big weaknesses when it comes to homemaking skills. i'm going to lay it all out for you here, keeping it real so you don't come away from my post feeling bad about your own june cleaverness. i'm nice like that.

dishes. and laundry.

as far as the dishes go...i've just always hated doing dishes. my family didn't get a dishwasher until i was a sophomore in high school, so i spent 4.7 years of my childhood washing dishes by hand. those are years i can never get back, years i could have been playing paper dolls or learning to do a back flip or lip syncing to whitney houston. a robbed childhood leads to a resentful adulthood, and that is why i don't like doing dishes.

never mind that now that i have a dishwasher the whole task could be completed in under 10 minutes. that is irrelevant. it's the principle, ya know? i always put it off as long as possible, then i break down and do it and tell myself "self, that wasn't bad at all. why in the bleep did you wait so long?" and then i answer myself and say "self, you are right. and there's no need for vulgar language. it's not bad at all. from now on, i will do the dishes as i go, all day long. easy peasy."

i'm a liar. i don't do it as i go all day long, and then i repeat the above paragraph. every.single.night. dishes are my enemy, poor things. i feel about dishes the way the rest of my family feels about putting a roll of toilet paper on the holder.

and the laundry. sheesh. i actually enjoy washing clothes. i can keep up with that one, no problem. at any given time, you can find a mountain of clean clothing piled nigh to the ceiling in my bedroom. washing clothes is not my problem.

it's the folding. and the putting away. as far as i'm concerned, folding and putting away clean laundry could best be described as climbing mt. everest with paper cuts on every finger and getting a root canal at the summit. if i were julie andrews and i were singing about my favorite things, i would never ever mention mt. everest or paper cuts or a root canal.

i realize it's unfortunate that my least-favorite household tasks are also considered daily maintenance and therefore not optional. have no fear, i have compensated in other areas, so as to balance out the june cleaver within. i am really good at bathing my children every night, and i never ever ever run out of nesquik.

now hiring: dishwasher and laundry folder. compensation: a tall glass of chocolate milk and no judgments about the pretzels and chip clips on your pantry floor.

...new year resolutions...

Yes!  Yes, I am alive!

And I even remembered my login information!

Living with internet only on my phone doesn't equal easy blogging...

Sweet is a laptop...

Anyways... I've actually put a bunch of thought into this year's resolutions!

Like seriously.

This time next year, I don't want to be the same person I was this time last year...

I want to be happier, healthier, and well...happier!

Who doesn't want those things right?!

Then I got to thinking...

"Oh, I'm gonna lose like tons of weight!  And have perfect skin!  And have a perfect house like 24/7!  And I'm gonna have perfect kids!"

So basically I want my life to look like this:

Then I got to thinking...

some more...

"I can't compare to the women now-a-days!  My house can't compare to the houses now-a-days!  I can't compare to the mothers now-a-days!"

And for a brief moment I was a little depressed...

Round of applause for the devil...

He won that battle...

BUT...

Then I got to thinking...

again...

And I realized that "the women now-a-days" can't compare to this:

If I am good enough to enter those doors, I should be good enough to love myself!  Plus, I've got an eternal bond to my Honeyman that they could never compare to!  ;)

And I also realized that those perfect houses with perfect children can't compare to this:

Or this:

Or this:

Or this:

Maybe my house isn't perfect...

Or maybe I have kids that are absolutely insane...

Or maybe I don't look like a model...

But that's okay...

Because I can get happier with what I have...

We all can...

I can get healthier to live to see my absolutely insane children grow to be absolutely insane adults...

I will do these things this year...

That way, this time next year I won't be who I was this time last year!

I'll be happier and healthier because I know that what I have can't compare to anything else!

So...Happy New Year from our crazy family to yours!!

ben, jerry, and joe jr...that's what i'm doing this year

because i am totally not the kind of girl that procrastinates anything, i...ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!! i put things off like nobody's work-from-home business. i had all these other great things i wanted to post about and figured i'd get to the "resolutions" post next time. or next month. but i think it would be awkward to talk about new year's resolutions in february, since no one's even keeping them anymore by then.

so, in no particular order, here are a few of my goals for the grand ol' year of 2012:


1. learn to eat with chopsticks. i haven't ever been able to figure those large toothpicks out, and somehow i have been able to sleep at night. but i have a newly-acquired love of sushi...and sushi is hard to eat with a fork. it's a goal born of necessity, but it still totally counts.

2. figure out how to use my sewing machine. the sewing machine i hadhadhad to have for christmas 3 years ago. the sewing machine that sat unopened in the box in the corner of my closet for 2 of those years. the sewing machine that my sister is now using...because she knows how. i'm not sure how i got away with calling myself a true stay at-home mom all these years without knowing how to sew...i'm sneaky like that, i guess.

3. actually put pictures in the assortment of frames that adorn the walls of my home. it's a great conversation piece, these faux families of models i've got hanging all over. if i don't do something about it soon, my kids are going to need therapy when they are older. and only for this reason, of course.

4. take more pictures. see #3. i am absolutely, positively, the worst documenting mother who ever lived in this age of rampant technology. like bob harper will be saying this whole season of "biggest loser"--no excuses!!

5. hold more babies. i'm counting on you, my loyal readership, to help me out with this one. i've already recruited my sister in-law and my best friend, but ya'll are gonna have to step it up in the baby-growing department if we are to fill this void in my arms. oh, and you need to live close to me and not be creeped out by the fact that i just asked you to move here and birth children for me to hold.

6. eat more ben & jerry's ice cream. because it's good, that's why. and also, i believe i should have at least one resolution that i know i am not going to save until december 20 to get started on.

7. watch "while you were sleeping" more than twice. i love everything about that movie, including joe jr. no, especially joe jr.


i think goals are good for the soul. and goals at the beginning of a new year are good for conversation starters. happy new year, moms, and happy goal setting!!