Wednesday, August 25, 2010

lost in translation

apparently i am bilingual...or something...can i get a translater?

i say..."please go brush your teeth."
they hear..."please go into the bathroom and make faces at yourself in the mirror for 7 minutes. do NOT, under any circumstances, brush your teeth."

i say..."don't hit your sister."
they hear..."pinch, kick, bite, and pull the hair of your sister. if you really love me, you will do this for me."

i say..."take 3 more bites of your vegetables."
they hear..."i don't like you at all. i have decided to inflict military torture on you for my own amusement."

i say..."aubrey, that shirt looks cute on you."
they hear..."gracie, you don't look cute at all. your shirt must be the ugliest thing i've seen in a decade."

i say..."please unload the dishwasher."
they hear..."i would love to see a full-on tantrum right about now. please throw your body on the floor and hiss with all the energy you possess. i will reward this action by letting you out of chores."

i say..."walk beside me in the parking lot."
they hear..."let's play a rousing game of chicken while we walk from the car to the doors of walmart. i am dying to see that look of disgust on the faces of the drivers."

i say..."goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bedbugs bite!"
they hear..."who wants another drink of water? how many songs do you want me to sing to you? who's hungry? i made cupcakes!"

i knew i should have taken a foreign language in college...



celebrating the transition from communicating in perfect harmony to never being on the same page again...sigh



6 comments:

  1. Ok the "hissing" one made me belly laugh! Maybe if we really did ask them what they hear they would hear what we don't say. Like "I want you to go to the bathroom and make faces in the mirror and DONT you DARE brush your teeth!" Do you think that would work? I don't know just a thought:)

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  2. That is so true. Thanks for putting some humor into some rather trying times in our lives.

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  3. Seriously! It may be effective to have them repeat what they hear you say to them...come to think of it Mom did that quite often. "What did I just say?" "What did I tell you?" "What did you hear?" "Repeat what I told you." Smart woman, very smart.

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  4. Ditto. I remember listening to what my parents where telling me, Why don't my kids hear me? I will be stumped on this forever.

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