Tuesday, August 17, 2010

..a TABOO subject..

Some say I'm an overprotective-uptight-crazy-paranoid mother!!  I would agree with those people...and frankly my dear, I don't give a darn!! 

I think that as mothers it's our JOB and DUTY to teach our children that there are some bad evil terrible not-so-nice people in the world...be it man OR woman...be it family OR "friend"...
Our children HAVE to KNOW that they can come to us as their parents for ANY REASON!!  They HAVE to KNOW that nothing is "taboo" and they can bring ANY subject up!!  If WE as parents, as MOTHERS, talk to them OPENLY, and not sheepishly, we can PROTECT them!!

We HAVE to teach our children to have a VOICE and to SPEAK AGAINST teachers, coaches, friend's parents, cousins, uncles or aunts, ANYONE that would touch them in places that are private!!!  We HAVE to let them feel safe and have a relationship with our children in which they feel protected and heard!! 

Here is a website that should be passed around to EVERYONE!!  With OR without children!!

Sexual Abuse  <----click there!

I had a conversation with my son about this!!  I first prepped myself by making sure I didn't make any "faces" of this being something that was "taboo".  I talked about it with him just like I would talk about his favorite TV show!!  I didn't want him feeling like this was a "weird subject" to talk to his mommy about!!

It was actually easier than I expected.  I think that was because I looked at this as an ESSENTIAL piece of knowledge that he had the RIGHT TO BE AWARE OF!!  He's only 5 years old, how is he supposed to know that rotten people even exist?! 

I got to the point.  PLAIN and SIMPLE!
Here is the gist of our conversation:

Me:  Donnie, I need to talk to you about something very important, okay?  So I need you to open your ears and listen to mommy very carefully!!

Donnie:  Okay mama!

Me:  There are some people in the world that aren't very good.  There are some people in the world that are bad.  Do you understand?

Donnie:  *nods his head up and down*

Me:  Donnie, no one is allowed to touch your pee pee except for a Doctor...or mommy or daddy when they are giving you a bath.  No one is allowed to take your pants off or underwear off except for a Doctor...or mommy or daddy when they are getting you dressed or giving you a bath!

Donnie:  *eyes huge and listening carefully*

Me:  Son, if they say they are your friend and try to touch your pee pee, bummy, or make you touch theirs, they are lying.  They are not your friend.  If they say they need your help you tell them to ask a big person!  Big people DO NOT need help from kids, EVER!  NEVER EVER!!  If they need you to go somewhere with them, you tell them NO!  If they try to give you a toy or present you tell them NO!  Ok, son?

Donnie: Yes ma'am!

Me:  If they say they will kill your family or kill you, you tell them you DON'T CARE and that Heavenly Father is watching them!  Because if they say they will kill me or daddy or sissy, they are lying!!  If they look nice and you have known them for a long time and they say it's a secret, you tell them that you don't EVER keep secrets from your mama!!  Ok?

Donnie:  Ok mama! *very serious/scared face*

Me:  Donnie, don't be scared...be STRONG!  Don't let people hurt you and touch your body!  Your body is a temple and Heavenly Father does not want anyone to touch it in the wrong way!  That's wrong!  Baby, you will NEVER EVER EVER get into trouble if you tell mama!  If they say you will get into trouble and that I will be mad at you, they are LYING!!  PINKY PROMISE mama that you will tell her if anything ever happens!! 
**pinky promise**

After that, I taught him:
- How to SCREAM & YELL if there is someone...ANYONE...not just a 'stranger' trying to touch him...
- How to FIGHT BACK if someone is trying to take him...including:
     - scratching eyes
     - biting
     - kicking in the pee pee
- How to "TURN INTO JELLO" if someone is trying to carry him...( I thought it would make it harder for someone to carry him if he were to do this)

Anyways, I hope that all of you find the strength to talk to your kids about this stuff!!  We can protect our children even when they aren't in our sight!!

3 comments:

  1. Good job Jazz(one z or two, I'm confused)! I've had pretty much that same exact talk with both of my kids numerous times! Repetition is a good thing. It's a little watered down for Elliott but not much. Parents NOT talking frankly and often with their small children is THE reason why small children make such good victims. A few other things to mention... "if they promise to give you candy, or a toy, etc." I actually have a friend who's older step brother told her that she had bugs in her hair and the only way to get them out was to perform oral sex on him. I know that's aweful but pretending like it doesn't happen and choosing not to talk about it doesn't make it go away and only perpetuates the epidemic. She believed him. In part, because nobody ever told her otherwise. Great post.

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  2. Thanks girl!! This subject really breaks my heart as I'm sure it does most mothers! It saddens me to know that we live in a time that these conversations with our precious innocent children are neccessary!

    *and it's just one "z"...lol*

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  3. Jaz thank you for posting this. It really has given me a whole new way to approach a topic that is so difficult to even think about. I love you!

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