..the hardest part is letting go..

There were so many different excuses I had for totally forgetting to post last Tuesday, for example:

1)  I forgot my username & password...

2)  I had serious crampage going on due to my favorite monthly visitor and couldn't get out of bed...

3)  I typed up an amazing long blog on being the coolest person ever & it accidentally got deleted...

OR

4)  *deep breath* My little baby boy that I just gave birth to yesterday five year old son started school and I spent most of the day crying and sobbing and crying and sobbing and standing by the phone waiting for the school to call because I knew he wanted his mommy and I had to be ready at any given moment to pick him up and rescue him!!!

*COUGH*

Okay, okay, you caught me!!  That was actually the real reason!!!  I know!!  I know!!  Calm down you big crazy psycho woman!!  But seriously, I thought I was ready for him to start school?!  What happened to the cool collected mother that was mentally ready for her children to venture off into the real world?!  Well, just for the record...there was no such mother here!!  I've been lying to myself for a year now!!  Truth is, I'm NOT ready for him to start school!  I'm NOT ready for others to influence this perfect child I just happen to be the mommy of!  I'm NOT ready for him to fight for himself!  I'm NOT ready for the possibility of his tender feelings getting hurt!!  I'm just NOT NOT NOT ready for him to experience the world!!  It's mean and cold and bitter and evil!!!!!!  As far as I'm concerned, he is still just a baby...MY baby...

I know what some of you are thinking!!  You're thinking it's good for him and that it builds his self esteem and makes him stronger!!  That sooner or later he has to be faced with the reality of life!! 

I agree. 

I really don't think all of those negative things I said earlier...I know that there is so much good and beauty and truth in the world!!  There is so much I want him to know and learn and experience...there is so much I want him to take in and grow from!!  I want him to be eager in knowing about this big universe and place we live!!  I'm so excited for the life that he has ahead of him...I'm so excited for the mistakes that he will be making and learning from to be a better person!!  I'm so excited to watch the man he will grow to be!!

 

After the first week of him in school, I've realized that yes, he is my world...and my world is beautiful...I want the world to see him...and know him...and feel his sweet spirit!!  My kid totally rocks and it would just be selfish to keep him cooped up and not share him with the rest of the world!!  However, I now know exactly how it feels to have my heart physically beat out of my chest from 7:45 in the morning until 2:45 in the afternoon!!!  The days seem like YEARS!!! 

Every morning I tell him, "Remember who you are!" and he replies, "I already know mama!  I'm a child of God!"...I think he's ready for this big bad world, don't you?!