of mothers and moms

i once heard someone say "anyone can be a mother, but it takes someone special to be a mom." of course, i love the word "mother"...it is sweet and reverent. but i'm talking about a technicality here, a difference between being and becoming...

i became a mother on june 30, 2000. that is, of course, a day i will never forget. that cone-headed, handsome little boy was mine. like, for reals...i got to keep him and dress him up and smell him! luckeeeeee...

i had dreamed of being a mother my whole life. it really is the only thing i ever wanted to be when i grew up. sure, i was a good student and school was important to me. i enjoyed learning and going to college was never a question. i did have a hard time nailing down a major, though. i just couldn't imagine "being" anything besides a mother (and a wife).

i became a mom in october 2001. i don't know the exact date, but i do remember that my little joseph was sick for the first time...the throwing-up kind of sick. he had been a mostly happy baby so far, just a few run-ins with ear infections but nothing major. but the flu stuff, that's a whole new ballgame. you know what i'm talking about, right? oh, a sick baby...the glassy eyes, the look of pain on their chubby face...it was heart-wrenching for me. holding his little body while he heaved just about ripped me to pieces.

i felt scared...and for the first time since becoming a mother, i felt like a mom. in just 15 short months, this little boy had become my whole existence. i already couldn't remember what in the world i had done with all my time before he came along! and i already couldn't imagine breathing without him in my life.

mothers grow a baby inside of their uterus. moms grow a baby inside their hearts. mothers give their child life. moms give their own life. mothers accept sticky fingers and floors (and everything else). moms embrace the sticky fingers and floors (and everything else). mothers lose sleep to crying babies and 5 year-olds with nightmares. moms lose sleep to worry and fret over geography tests and 3rd grade friendships. mothers feed their children. moms nourish their children. mothers introduce themselves by their first name. moms introduce themselves as "_____'s mom".

i have mother days. days where i'm going through all the right motions, telling myself this is what i've always wanted. i do all the things expected of me, and i don't resent it. but i'm not enthusiastic about it.

i have mom days, too. days where i'm all over this mom stuff...spills are funny, lullabies bring tears to my eyes, and i want to just lose myself in the cuteness and perfection of my kids. i don't just live my life, i love my life.

mothers are grand. moms are fantastic. the great thing is, i get to be a mother and a mom. i don't just get to raise my kids (somebody's gotta do it!)...i get to love them, too.

i am a mother. i am a mom.

don't be jeal...those freckles are for reals!!