A FEW POLICIES ON PARENTING...please sign your life away at the bottom

 NO PHONE ZONE

It is totally normal for your children to start acting like complete heathens whenever a conversation on the phone lasts more than 30seconds. Climbing on counters, drawing on walls, deciding now is a good time to scream and ask questions, eating the snacks they aren't supposed to have. You know this routine right? 

CLOSED DOOR POLICY

 When the door is locked to the bathroom/bedroom/closet.. it is an immediate invitation or challenge to open it, especially if you are on the other side. If they are unsuccessful you see little fingers poking through the bottom of the door all the while crying...real tears, as if you taking a few minutes to take care of business by yourself has totally turned their lives upside down.

GOLDEN RULE

In their minds it is totally ok for them to come into your room, jump on your bed while you're asleep and whine "mom, mom, mom mom" until you wake up. Don't be alarmed, the house is not on fire. They would just like you to know that they exist.....(not realizing what your body endured to bring them to this earth and how you could never in any situation forget their "existence"....which is a whole other post entirely).  However, returning that gesture is considered cruel and unusual punishment.

PRIVACY ACT

They have radars attached to their little bodies that alert them anytime mom and dad may be getting a little too close and it seems to be their duty to interrupt this process. From a hug or a kiss to something a little more intimate (see closed door policy above). AND these acts of love will be considered GROSS. You may even hear the words "Ewww" coming from their little angel faces. In this case, kiss your husband again.

FREEDOM OF SPEECH

 The freedom of being able to say what you want to say when you want to say it?...It will be out the window. Solution: You may try to spell things out...or whisper...or not say it at all. They are listening ALWAYS listening.

My friends...you have all been warned/reminded. Please for the safety of all that you are:

 PROCEED WITH CAUTION

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